a quick trip to the sunny side..

so i'll be getting on a plane, headed to a slightly warmer climate tomorrow afternoon. granted we got about 3 inches of snow last night, any place would be warmer. my weekend will be filled with wedding adventures--figured i should help in planning my own wedding a little. although my momma has done more than enough. luke and i plan on showing up and having a good time!
so we'll meet with the florist, the dj, the cake guy at publix, hair stylist...etc etc. i'm hoping to see as much family as i can, but don't have high hopes of seeing many of you. i'll try my best though, in between appointments. maybe get in a quick birthday celebration on sunday (so you better come home, ryan!) then head back monday morning.
whew, i'm already exhausted just thinking about it. it'll be fun though and i look forward to seeing all the fun things my mom and grandma have created. maybe i'll even shoot a few to share in my return blog. :)
so i'm just going to apologize now--if i dont get to see you while i'm in town, i'll see you all very soon! hope everyone is great and getting ready for the fast approaching spring time! snow and all......

Dear Grandpa Curt,

As I sit here, trying to gather my thoughts and put something into words, I'm not even sure I can make sense out of my thoughts. It's been quite a year, to say the least. And the simple truth is this: I miss you.

I miss your kind heart, your gentle smile, your excitement when I called or came over for a visit. I miss seeing you in your chair. I miss coming over and laughing at all the new things hanging from your garage ceiling. I miss putting birdseed out for the birds. I miss you offering me peanut m&ms in little plastic cups. I miss your amazing wood-working abilities and all the beautiful pieces you've made over the years. I miss hearing your laugh. I miss picking grapefruit out of your tree. I miss hearing you talk about how much you hated school as a kid. I miss how proud you were when you saw me graduate high school and then college. I miss seeing you in those funny net shirts. I miss all your little inventions, which all did indeed serve a purpose. I miss hearing about your lunch at taco bell. I miss seeing you with a toolbelt around your waist. I miss you filling up all the recycled peanut butter jars with screws and nails. I miss seeing you swoon over grandma. I miss your chicken legs. I miss Christmas time with you. I miss hearing "Hello, Erin" when we spoke on the phone. I miss your love of dumpster diving. I miss hearing your views on the world. I miss your love of raw oysters on the halfshell. I miss your wisdom. I miss hearing you talk about your past. I miss you offering candy out of the orange tupperware that sits on your end table. I miss hearing you talk about our amazing family.

To tell you the truth, I miss everything that you were and still are. A year ago tomorrow was the hardest day of my (among others) life. I watched people who don't normally cry, weep. I watched kids cry. I watched spouses cry. I watched myself cry. You have no idea just how much your time here on earth meant to each one of us. You were one of the most amazing men I've ever met and you remain that man in each of our hearts.

I went through phases after you left. I was devastated. I'd never lost anyone as close until then and didn't know how to react. I was angry. Why would this happen to someone so wonderful?How were we all supposed to bounce back from this? I was lonely. I felt like I couldn't be what my mom needed, what my grandma needed. And I just missed you. I was sad. I don't know how many times I've thought of you and felt tears roll down my cheeks. Just as I do now. I've come a long way in the last year. However, I go through the emotions in cycles. Grief, anger, sadness, loneliness. But once my eyes dry, I feel a different type of emotion. I feel happiness. Some people don't ever get to meet their grandpa. And I realize how lucky I am to not only have met mine, but to have spent 26 years knowing mine. How wonderful those 26 years of my life were with you in them. How fortunate we all are for knowing you, no matter the level we knew you on. Maybe we don't ever 'bounce back'. Maybe we just wake up each morning and remember. And those memories help us get through each day.

I miss you today. Today more than yesterday and yesterday more than the day before that. I know that it's not easy thinking about you being gone. But what eases my mind are the wonderful memories I have of you. You truly lived by the saying, "And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years." I told you before you left how much you mean to me and how much I love you. That will never change. Know that I think of you everyday and that I'll miss you more tomorrow than I did today.

With love always,

Your granddaughter,

Erin

family additions..

i just wanted to send out a big CONGRATULATIONS to my brother, jason and his new fiance, anna. wow, it's a crazy year for the kiggins family! they got engaged last weekend during midnight star gazing. very romantic if you ask me. and i have to confess (to jason) that i was wrong in not believing that you could be spontaneous. ;) a proposal that will be remembered forever, mostly for the spontaneity. good job!
jas and anna went to middle school in north carolina together back when we lived there for a few years. they lost touch after we moved, but reconnected a couple years ago. they dated long distance for almost a year, then moved to phoenix together. talk about 'taking a chance'...
and now comes the really crazy part...they're getting married in 3 weeks!! i thought luke and i were nuts with a 5 month engagement. there are circumstances though..jason leaves for korea on a solo tour (with the air force) this summer. very sad, but the year will fly by, i'm sure. so they're exchanging their vows in an intimate ceremony in las vegas in march, then having a big wedding celebration when he returns from overseas next year.
so i have to admit this transition hasn't been the easiest for me. i mean, my brothers are two of my best friends and i've been the center of attention for 20 something years. now i have to share and in all honesty, i've actually pouted a few times. after remembering that lesson we all learned in kindergarten (you know, the one about sharing) and gaining reassurance that no one would ever take my place as "favorite sister", i decided that i would give the women in their lives a chance. please forgive my "sister jealousy"...
anna, you are an amazing woman. i don't think i've met anyone quite like you...you are passionate, creative, spontaneous, funny (particularly when there's bowling ally beer and 'in-n-out' burgers involved), outgoing, caring, perhaps the best goodwill shopper ever, brave (not many people would move halfway across the country for a boy), caring..i could keep going, but you get my point.
i know we haven't known each other long (really known each other), but i look forward to your addition to my family. we're a crazy bunch, but we love unconditionally. after all these years, i'll finally be able to say i have a sister....congrats again and i can't wait for vegas..

jasony-baloney

jason and i used to play this game as kids when we were supposed to be going to sleep. we would pretend to be fighter pilots and argue over who got to be "sarge". if you know our family, "sarge" was the call-sign my dad received in the navy, years ago. whoever won the nightly argument got to be sarge and whoever lost had to be "skipper". we called it "sarge and skipper" for obvious reasons. so then we would pretend to fly jet fighters and i really can't remember much more than that. it's funny how memories from childhood remain with you, as if they occurred yesterday.

jason is in most of my childhood memories. we were great friends growing up and remain to this day. as long as i don't say anything dumb. haha. dumb people drive him nuts. people who say dumb things drive him nuts. it's really quite humorous.

jason is very organized. everything on and in his desk has a place and he knows if anything is out of it's place. it's kind of funny to mess with him and move things around. he's also a researcher. he'll research something for days before purchasing it-just to ensure he's getting exactly what he wants.

jason is what i like to call the "smart one" of the family (no offense, ryan)..a math genius, graduated with a degree in aerospace engineering. while his fellow classmates are off making gazillions of dollars, he chose something a little different...

my parents have this photo of jason when he was about 9 or 10, wearing my dad's flight suit (painted on mustache and all). for as long as i can remember, he's wanted to follow in dad's footsteps and be a fighter pilot. welcome to a world where dreams come true. he's graduating from f-16 training at luke afb in may. oh yeah, he flies this:

in fact, that IS him flying. over the christmas holidays, we got to stand at the end of the flight line and watch as jason took off. he somehow shmoozed someone and got ryan a flight in one as well. although i was quite jealous, it was the coolest thing i've ever seen. it actually chokes me up as i write this. let me tell you what it's like to see your little brother doing THIS for a living. it's one thing to have your dad doing it, but quite a different feeling when it's a sib. wow, he's amazing. so he gave up racking in the big bucks to serve our country. i mean really, what tops that in this society, these days?

jason is off to korea on a year tour later this year. i will miss him terribly, but am excited for this great opportunity he has. some spectacular flying i hear...so he'll go while his FIANCE waits back in the states. yep, that's right. not only is my little brother a fighter pilot, but he recently got engaged! very exciting and i couldn't be happier for the two of them.

so life's changing once again. i can't tell you how much i miss you everyday. i wish we could, for just a day, go back to being kids and playing "sarge and skipper". i miss those times, but each memory i hold dear to my heart. you and ryan never cease to amaze me and i am honored to not only know you, but to be your sister.

you mean the world to me and i love you. happy 26th birthday, jas...even if it's a couple weeks late. :)